How to survive your first holiday after your husband dies

They say it's survival of the fittest. But what happens when survival is all you have?

You didn't arrive at grief by choice. You're here because you loved someone deeply. And now they're gone.

They say life goes on. But what nobody tells you is how strange it feels when it does — because the further life moves forward, the further it moves from the last time you spoke to them. The last time you touched them.

The world doesn't stop just because yours did. And somehow, impossibly, you have to find a way to keep walking through it.

The holiday I wasn't sure I could take

The first holiday I planned after losing Paul was always going to be hard.

I sat at my computer with what felt like every travel website open at once. Spain. Greece. Italy. Worldwide. I even gave myself a ridiculous budget just to see if something, anything, would inspire me.

Nothing did.

The year before Paul died, we had gone to Skiathos. It was the most perfect holiday. The right hotel. The right place. And it was all Paul talked about in hospital — that holiday, those memories.

So despite the concerns of almost everyone around me - including my bereavement counsellor - I booked it. I was going back.

Why going back was the right thing

People worried I would fall apart. That the memories would be too much. That I'd made a terrible mistake.

And eventually, I started to believe them.

But here's what I knew, even when the doubt crept in.

Holidays are supposed to be relaxing, but they can also be incredibly stressful, especially when you're grieving. I needed somewhere I already knew. I needed to know where the hospital was, just in case. I needed to know the beaches, the transport, the layout of the place.

I had already organised a funeral. I was drowning in what I can only call sadmin. I had absolutely no energy left for a fact-finding mission.

Going back to Skiathos meant I could relax. I could breathe. I could just be - without having to plan every single thing from scratch.

What I created to get through it

I knew grief would come with me on that holiday. There was no escaping it, and I wasn't trying to.

I just needed a way to manage it when it got too much.

We were going to be away for ten days. So I created ten grief activities - one for each day. Small, gentle things that would give me permission to sit with my grief for a little while, let whatever needed to come up, come up, and then carry on with the day.

I created four extra ones too. Just in case.

I had the whole thing printed and bound into a workbook, with quotes to lift my thoughts on the harder days. It felt like something I'd bought rather than made - and that mattered more than I expected it to.

Each day, I took myself off to my room and worked through an activity.

On our last day, we did the grief stone - finding a rock, decorating it, and deciding what to do with it. We threw ours into the sea at sunset. We also scattered a few of Paul's ashes into the water. That was his favourite holiday, after all.

We watched the sun go down. We drank cocktails. We raised a glass to Paul.

It was one of the most special moments of my life.

I had chosen the right place.

And I survived it.

Why I'm sharing it with you

The workbook gave me somewhere to put my grief every day. It meant Paul came with me - not as a weight, but as a presence. I could write about him, think about him, honour him in small ways, and then walk back out into the sunshine.

There were still days when the pain was unbearable. I think that would have been true wherever we went. But giving myself those few minutes each day, allowing myself to be kind to myself made all the difference.

I still take activities with me on every holiday now. And the one I never skip? Writing Paul a postcard. There's no address in heaven, but I write it anyway.

The workbook helped me through my first holiday without Paul.

So now I'm sharing it with you.

The Holiday Grief Workbook — £10

This is the exact workbook I created for myself before my first holiday without Paul.

It's a 31 page digital download designed to carry you through every day of your holiday gently, honestly, and at your own pace.

Inside you'll find:

A daily check in for each day - somewhere to write down exactly where you are, how you're feeling, and what you need

Journaling space to write freely, without structure or pressure

A grief activity for each day - small, meaningful things to help you sit with your grief, honour your person, and then step back into your holiday

You don't have to pretend to be fine on holiday. You don't have to hold it together every minute of every day. This workbook gives you somewhere to put it all - so that the rest of the time, you can breathe.

It's a digital download, so it arrives straight to your inbox. Print it at home, or have it bound somewhere local like I did

£10. Yours instantly.